Part 2: New Approach

"Do not focus heavily on the kids behavior but rather than on the problem causing those behaviors. When you focus on the problems causing the behaviors then you can focus on solving those problems." This resonated with me because I figured this out last year in my classroom. I had a strong behavior student last year with many SEL concerns. I didn't focus on their behavior, I figured out what made them have that behavior. Once I determined that, I learned different strategies that helped that student be more successful. We learned how to manage our emotions and ways to prevent some behaviors from reoccuring.

"Focus on the problems that cause the behaviors...focus on solving those problems rather than modifying the behaviors...solve those problems collabritivly."

I think that this is really great instead of telling a kid that their behavior is bad, ask them what makes them act that way and see if together you can create a plan for what we can do to help their problem and how they can react to it.

"Challenging kids getting upset usually about the same exact things every day, every week, and that makes those "unsolvable" problems highly predictable and that sets the stage for us to solve them proactively and collaboratively." This made me realize that there is a pattern to these issues and it allows us to work together with parents, other teachers, and students to come up with action plans knowing what is coming next. 

The first thing to do is take a breath and calm the situation down and work together to figure out how to proceed. I personally always say "We can fix this" "We'll figure it out together" and then step by step figure out what the problem is, a solution that gets the task at hand done and keeps everyone happy in the end.

"There is nothing fabulous to do in the heat of the moment."
What a great statement. So very often that is precisely what happens. It's almost like an auto pilot type of response. A trigger of sorts. Some kid misbehaves and there are 15 other kids in the classroom and so very often we just jump to or feet and try to put out the fire quickly or contain the situation somehow so it doesn't spill over to the entire room. So often we just put band aids on behavior, trying to quickly manage them instead of actually taking the time to ask what caused this type of behavior in the first place. 
Come let us reason together. I like this. I like this a lot.
Working collaboratively is the answer. Let's take some time to listen to our students and find solutions together by actively listening and finding solutions together.

The quote "Behavior kids lack important skills" resonates with an example a family member told me. She works with young special education students at another school. She told me she brought toy trains for the kids to play with. While she was out of work one day another teacher told her she needed to remove the toys because the kids were fighting over them. Her approach was much like the video stated. Figure out the problem and solve it proactively. She told the other teacher that taking away the toys is not going to solve the fighting. The students need to learn how to share with the trains or they will continue the behavior with other toys. They lack the important skills of sharing and that is something the 3 steps, Dr. Greene talks about, may helps with.

In any problem solving issue as adults we understand that you cannot fix something if you don't know what is causing it.  The flat tire will work when you put air in it but if you do not find out the problem causing the air leak it will continue to happen.  Kids are amazing when you really start asking questions to understand the issue and I have found that sometimes all they want is for someone to acknowledge that their feelings matter.  That they matter.  The 3 step process of empathy voicing concerns of the student, teacher and then working together but letting the student find reasonable solutions really does work.

Like Dr. Greene said its better to find out what is causing the problem then solve the problem. If we talk to the children about what happened and how it made them feel and hearing them out. Listening to how that specific child felt before and during the moment can help you better understand what the  child is going through. Also even just removing the child from that environment, as easy as changing to a different room. Giving a neutral environment can take a lot of the stress and frustration off the child. Talking to the child and asking what could be done differently and keeping the solution in their hands.

I learned that rewarding and punishing is not the only answer to deal with bad behavior.  This is not what they  need from us.  It was suggested to use a collaborative and proactive approach to solutions.  We should not focus on the bad behavior, but the problems that are causing the behavior and then solve them.  We should solve the problems as partners together and it will be more effective.  A quote that I liked from the video was that "the kids your teammate, not your adversary.".  We should not respond reactively in the moment, but be more proactive and solve problems together by coming up with solutions. 

 "There is nothing fabulous you can do in the heat of the moment." This is something that I have learned as a parent. There are many times that I want to emotional react to something that my kid does because it is natural to do so. What I have been getting better at is, removing him from the situation and going somewhere and talk to him about why he did blank. Then after, we figure out what the next steps should be and how he should go about doing that. I do the same with my students, I allow them to express themselves and at the same time help them work toward a better solution that does not involve me reacting right away and helps them problem solve. 

The idea of collaborative problem solving with my own children is completely obtainable.  I am usually dealing with them on a one on one basis, I can take a moment, discuss with my child and work on a solution.  In a classroom, however, there is more of a challenge.  I have 27 other students in my class and to be able to take time away from other students to deal with the bad behavior is more difficult.  The quote "there is nothing fabulous to do in the heat of the moment" resonates with me.  I don't react when a student is misbehaving.  I don't argue.  I don't punish.  I simply say "step in the hallway, take a moment, come back in when you are ready".  When one or both of the people in an argument are all work up, there is no chance for effective communication.  I then have the student come to my classroom for a short time at the beginning of lunch and we try to work it out using a modified collaborative process.