Stretching Our Thinking

Knowing/Understanding your privilege was something that caught my attention. I know so many people who know really understand what it means to have "privilege" as a white man or woman and get VERY defensive that they or their family struggled so they aren't privileged. And I, myself, struggled with that until I read and listened to various people describe what it really meant to be privileged. 

I really enjoyed the video for 5 tips of being an ally. I think it really opened up my mind to what it means to be an Ally, and I didn’t exactly understand that you can be an ally to anyone. I think the term “ally” is coined to LGBTQ+ in my mind so she really opened my mind thinking about it in the terms of being an ally to anyone. Some specific things that are resignation with me are of course understanding my privilege. It makes me think of a ted talk I watched with a woman was talking about how she won’t have to have the conversations with her children about what to do when you’re pulled over, but her black best friend will have to discuss that with her children. Also, the part that is really sticking out in my mind is “you’ll make mistakes! Apologize when you do.”. When she stated that it is not about intent, but the impact. I think we are so conditioned to believe “it is the thought that counts”, and yet she is right. It is about what you did, not what you meant to do. And that it is ok to make a mistake, but you do need to apologize and move on.

I read through the Buzz Feed article on how to be a good ally. Some of these questions really hit me hard. Especially the question, "Have you ever asked or expected people from marginalized groups to "show you" how to be a good ally?" I'll admit, I am guilty of this. I am guilty of looking to my friends and colleagues of color to speak up if something isn't right, or trusting that they'll find inequities in our school. Thankfully, through equity and antiracist work and through the mentorship that a lot of my friends of color have given me in this work, I know so much better now than to rely on my friends and colleagues of color to be the voice of equity and antiracism. 

1)      Understand your privilege. “Before I can fight for the rights of others, I have to understand what rights I have and others don’t.”
2)      Listen. Get caught up on the issues that are important to the communities that you want to support.
3)      Speak up, but not over
4)      Realize that you will make mistakes. Its not about your intent, its about your impact, so if you get called out, apologize, learn from the experience, and carry on
5)      Ally is a verb. Its not enough to say you are one, you have to act. (steps 1-4)

The steps that resonated with me the most were 3 & 5. I’d say I do a pretty good job trying to understand, and listening, but I get insecure about actually acting. One of the worst parts about watching what happened to George Floyd was the question that popped into my head: “if you had been there, would you have spoken up like others in the crowd were brave enough to do?” I need to be brave enough to act when a situation arises. I had a bumper sticker once that said “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes”. I’ve always had trouble with it, but its one of my goals.

5 TIPS: 1.       Understand your privilege ·         Privilege: there are some things in life you never experience or must think about just because of who you are. ·         Before I can help others, I must understand what rights I have, and others don’t 2.       Listen and do your homework: know that to learn, you must know when you to listen, and. Know when to zippa the lippa! Use the power of social media to speak up and you your voice to educate others. Get caught up on the issues that are important to the communities you are trying to help. 3.       Speak Up, not Over: An ally’s job is to support. Use your voice to speak up, educate others, but STAY IN YOU LANE, don’t do it in a way that you speak over the community members you are trying to support, or take credit for the work they are already doing, things they are already saying.    4.       You’ll make mistakes! Apologize when you do. It’s not about your intent, its about your impact. When you make mistakes, unlearning problematic things takes time and work. When you get called out, listen, apologize, commit to changing your behavior, and move forward. 5.       Remember Ally is a Verb: You’ve got to do the work. Its not enough to say you are an ally. You’ve got to the work above (1-4)

To be an Ally I need to be a support person but also understand my privilege at the same time. I need to be aware of how my life as a straight white women has a lot more privilege than a person who is trans or gay. Support is the best thing I can do for my students and their families. How can I help them. This reminds me of a time where a student opened up to me about how her older teen sibling was transitioning. I told her I was open to talking whenever she wants and I can get someone else to talk with her if she wanted. 

I also believe that the analogy to assisting someone building their house was a great analogy. If you're not listening to the homeowner, the result can make for some serious discontent. How often have you found yourself giving advice and wonder why someone isn't following that advice?  It maybe that you missed the point.  Life is like that.  When one has preconceived notions as to how things should be or how someone should act, we often miss the problem. Really listening to someone who needs assistance can open your eyes as to what the conflict or problem really is.  An ally is someone who is on your side and listens to what you have to say. Good listening skills will allow you to assist your friend or associate in the manner that they are requesting. They are far more likely to know the exact problem area since they are living it.

A few things resonated with me. I like the way Chesca Leigh made it clear that privilege was not associated with wealth or an easy life which I think many people believe it is. The analogy of the horse with blinders on is perfect…there’s just a lot of stuff on the sides that I just don’t have to see because of who I am.

Victoria Gasparowicz makes several good points about transferring the benefits of your privilege to those who lack it as well as acknowledging that while you may feel the pain the conversation is not about you.  

As Jennifer Brown points out… being well-intended is not enough.

One thing that resonated with me is to understand how to spend my privilege. One way I thought of was to give some power away in terms of the structure of my classroom. For example, instead of having the classroom all set up and ready for students, I will have students choose and help be involved with the organization of the space in the classroom.

I loved the analogy of helping someone build a house. It's great to want to jump in and help, but you have to listen first in order to know how to truly help. Certainly examining your own privilege is a great first step. Speak up, but not over so you are not overshadowing those you are trying to be an ally to and so you are truly aligning yourself to what marginalized individuals need or want. Reframing allyship as a verb rather than a noun also resonated with me. The work is never done!