Part 1 Introduction

Unconditional Positive Regard is the complete acceptance and support of a student without judgment, regardless of their actions or words. I care about you, you have value, you don’t have to do anything to prove it to me. I’m here to help you grow as a student and person. Correcting behavior without attacking your student by keeping a steady tone and treating them with respect. It’s important to give a path forward for that student.  

I am working with a student this year that is struggling in my class. She failed the first quarter, refused to do any work, and brought others into her problems. She was being disrespectful, and put up a wall by putting her head down during class. I started trying to connect with her instead of getting mad or yell at her. This has helped quite a bit. I have her after class regularly and ask her what we can do to help her through this class. She is doing much better this quarter. It’s still a work in progress, but she is working during class and participating in some of the class discussions. 

Unconditional positive regard means showing students that they are valued and respected no matter how they behave or show up on a given day. They do not have to earn respect and they can't lose it by making mistakes, every student has worth simply because they are human. In practice, this might be staying calm and supportive when a student is off-task instead of reacting with frustration. It could be offering encouragement even after repeated mistakes. It could be approaching a student one-on-one to address a negative situation and giving them the benefit of the doubt instead of calling them out in front of the entire class and singling them out. It’s about maintaining warmth, consistency, and fairness so students know your care for them doesn’t depend on perfection. Honestly, I think that this is not just important for student-teacher relationships, but every human interaction we have. Imagine what the world would be like if we offered everyone this courtesy of being valued and respected.

Conditional positive regard is when students feel like they have to “earn” your respect or kindness....like you only show care when they behave or do well. I think we all fall into that sometimes without meaning to, especially when we’re stressed or juggling a million things. But unconditional positive regard flips that....it’s about showing students that they matter no matter what kind of day they’re having.
I remember one student who was pretty shut down and always pushing back. Instead of focusing on the behavior, I just started chatting with him about what he liked....stuff like music, video games, little things that had nothing to do with school. It took a bit, but he started to relax and talk more, and eventually his attitude in class totally shifted. Just taking the time to connect and listen made a huge difference. It reminded me that sometimes the best classroom management is just caring about kids as people first.

What does conditional positive regard look like in practice?

In practice, unconditional positive regard shows students that teachers care about them no matter what and that they have value. It shows students that they are accepted, and that you are going to help them grow regardless of their struggles. It shows students that even though they may have trauma or struggle, it doesn't invalidate their worth to us. What resononated with me was when the interview said that students are required to be there and we are required to teach them so if they are making us angry/hurt, we can't treat them the same way we would a friend or aquaintance. I think some adults lose sight of this (and within reason when working with difficult students). I like the idea that we can explain to students who may be acting up that our care isn't going to change for them, but they can't keep doing whatever they are  in order to maintain safe environment for all. The idea of putting a pause on it (like sending them to a refocus area) helps it sound more like an intervention rather than a consequence that may trigger them. 

In order to connect with students, I agree that it is important to find connection points- asking them about what they are interested in and if I am not clear on it, asking more questions to show interest. I greet every student by name at my door every day, and when I pass them in the halls, I say hello and don't ignore them. These little things allow me to show them that I care when they are in, and out of the classroom. I try to go to events when asked to support them if my schedule allows for it. If I know they had something exciting happening, I ask them about it- these show investment in their lives and are such minor things that can demonstrate I am not just there to teach them English for 40 minutes, but I am there to support them and care about their worth and value. 

I learned early in my career that I have to be the grownup.  If a student hurts my feelings or behaves in a way I find disrespectful, I can't let that interfere with my job and I can't hold a grudge.  I have to wipe the slate clean, start fresh, and greet the student with a positive approach the next day.  I think that's part of what unconditional positive regard is.  Students don't have to do anything to earn my care, and there's virtually nothing that can take it away.  At my core, this is something I feel.  I care for these kids just because they're my students and they're in my daily circle.  
But I feel like I have trouble showing that sometimes.  
Perhaps ironically, it's harder for me to ask questions and learn about students' personal lives than it is for me feel the genuine care and concern for them. I can gradually connect with that one "tough kid," but connecting with the 23 others is harder for me. Besides my own social anxieties, I think I get so caught up in the content-teaching tasks that I sometimes fail to make time for the relationship building.  But I think the relationship-building is more important now than it ever has been.  I need to get better at asking the open-ended questions that get kids talking about their passions.  I need to give them opportunities to be the expert and teach me a few things.  I need to not worry so much about the planning and grading that are hanging over my head and keep my door open so students can come in and talk. 
 

Unconditional positive regard means I care about you, you have value, you don’t have to do anything to prove it to me, and nothing will change my mind... It's as simple as getting to know our students first and foremost. Finding out what they care about (unrelated to our content- social studies), having those informal and off scripted conversations, taking deliberate steps to get to know students as they are, outside of the context of our classroom, can help me see them as whole people (not just as a US history student or a grade in the grade book). I definitely enjoy this part of teaching. I really do enjoy getting to know my students in the classroom. What they're like, what makes them tick, are they a cat or dog person, what TV shows are they currently watching, do they participate in sports and/or clubs, etc. Again, it's all about building relationships with our students, and this is a perfect example and way of doing this! An example of this would be, when I see that it's a student's birthday on PowerSchool. This allows me to engage them in a conversation about their birthday, what they're doing, are they going out for dinner, having their favorite meal/cake, spending time with their family and/or friends. Just another way to get to know my students on a more personal level.

“I care about you, you have value, you don’t have to prove it to me, and you have value”. Care is assumed and does’t need to be earned.  It allows for struggles and students to mess up and it doesn’t. Invalidate anything.
It really begins with getting to know your students and understanding what they really like and are into.  It is easy to care about students who share common likes as you. It is more challenging when you don’t share common “likes”.  You need to spend the time and ask questions to these students so you can try to find the connection point an understand more (relationship building).  Also need to try to understand the aspects of their lives that might lead to the things you don’t like that they do.  If a student isn’t doing what you want, instead of getting mad about it, get curious and try to find out the why behind what they are doing that you don’t like.

As a 6th grade ELA teacher, I had many occasions where students who struggled in my class would look for a way out.  Maybe that was putting your head down and trying to sleep, being blatantly, disrespectful, and even attempting to get kicked out of class, or a myriad of other ways to avoid the work that they struggle with. I remember a specific student who simply wouldn't read, but with doodle a lot, and with my background as a reader of comic books, I tried to see if something like that would pique his interest and maybe break the ice.  It ended up being a common topic that we both happened to enjoy.  I brought in a bunch of my comic books and that became the reading that he would do for the most part.  It ended up allowing us to have something to chat about and give me an in into his reading.  It didn’t make him love the class too much more beyond the comics but behavior was much better and he was more willing to give me some leeway and engage a bit since he knew I was trying and willing to hear him out and meet him at his starting point.

• What does conditional positive regard look like in practice?? 

Conditional Positive Regard looks like getting to know each student and figuring out what makes them tick. Learn about what they like and connect with them by asking about their interests and desires. Keep working toward connection and find ways to build trust with each student. Show them that you care and that they are valued. Celebrate each and every student to show them that we can all win. We can all succeed. Plant seeds for positive change. If they have "behavior problems", find out what causes them. What is happening at home? Is something happening at school that's causing trauma? Every student is worthy of care. Every student can learn.

• Consider a time when you went out of your way to connect with a student.  What did you have to do?  What were the outcomes?

I had a student, while I was student teaching, who missed 2-3 days of school every week and when she was in school she couldn't sit still. She wanted to walk around the classroom, chat with that adults in the room (classroom teacher, myself and the ENL teacher) and show us pictures of her baby brother. We found out that her father is out of the picture, her mom and stepfather didn't give her the attention she needed and craved. She worked after school every day and then had to take care of her baby (infant) brother on the weekends. I told her that if she sat through the class, I would give her the last 5 minutes or so to talk about her brother and get the attention from adults that she needed/craved. She started getting more classwork done and participated in group work/labs. Her grade improved and she qualified for credit recovery.