Consider a time when you relied on a colleague to help you through a challenging situation. What kinds of support did your colleague provide that may have reminded you of our unconditional support toward a student.
Having a colleague to listen and support when dealing with a challenging situation involving students can really help to put things into perspective. I had a student that would often say terrible things and frequently throw and damage things in the classroom. When talking with a colleague I was feeling upset and frustrated because I felt like I was doing something wrong and not helping this student. The colleague listened and validated my feelings but also reminded me that I was not the reason this was happening, and that the student needed us to be a support, this colleague also helped me to map out a more solid plan and assured me that once this student got to know us better things would improve. Slowly but surely they did.
What might be some strategies you are thinking of to use moving forward?
I think just using the language "nothings going to change my mind" is very disarming for kids struggling to make a good decision. I agree with Venet that shame is something that can be paralyzing for students, sometimes just by starting conversations that I still care about you even though you made this mistake can be helpful. I think I can be more mindful to use this type of language.
Describe how positive regard (nothings going to change my mind) may be received by a student. Perhaps you can recall a student who later appreciated your approach…
I had a student that struggled to manage their reactions to unexpected or undesired things. When these things happened the student would often resort to physically harming another student or saying unkind things. I'd often be called to talk with the student and find them very upset. After some trial and error, I found the best approach was to start with Hi _____ I can see your upset I'm going to give you some space until your ready but I just want you to know you are a good person and that we all make mistakes, I'll be here when you're ready to talk. After saying these things the demeanor of the student often changed, I think after getting to know the student they really did feel shame after something like this happened, and knew or worried about the consequences. However, this approach I found to be much more beneficial because the student would often be more truthful and calm down more quickly when they knew I was there to help work through the issue.
Explain how “everyone gets a trophy” can be viewed differently
I think every kid gets a trophy can be a beautiful thing. The trophy doesn't have to be for the same thing, however should be something specific to each child. We do this at our grade level and it is so exciting for the kids, we take time as a team to think about all of our kids, and what they are truly good at. To see the smiles on their faces, and their classmates faces when they are recognized really means the world to them, and us! Every child deserves to be "seen" and appreciated.
Having a colleague to listen and support when dealing with a challenging situation involving students can really help to put things into perspective. I had a student that would often say terrible things and frequently throw and damage things in the classroom. When talking with a colleague I was feeling upset and frustrated because I felt like I was doing something wrong and not helping this student. The colleague listened and validated my feelings but also reminded me that I was not the reason this was happening, and that the student needed us to be a support, this colleague also helped me to map out a more solid plan and assured me that once this student got to know us better things would improve. Slowly but surely they did.
What might be some strategies you are thinking of to use moving forward?
I think just using the language "nothings going to change my mind" is very disarming for kids struggling to make a good decision. I agree with Venet that shame is something that can be paralyzing for students, sometimes just by starting conversations that I still care about you even though you made this mistake can be helpful. I think I can be more mindful to use this type of language.
Describe how positive regard (nothings going to change my mind) may be received by a student. Perhaps you can recall a student who later appreciated your approach…
I had a student that struggled to manage their reactions to unexpected or undesired things. When these things happened the student would often resort to physically harming another student or saying unkind things. I'd often be called to talk with the student and find them very upset. After some trial and error, I found the best approach was to start with Hi _____ I can see your upset I'm going to give you some space until your ready but I just want you to know you are a good person and that we all make mistakes, I'll be here when you're ready to talk. After saying these things the demeanor of the student often changed, I think after getting to know the student they really did feel shame after something like this happened, and knew or worried about the consequences. However, this approach I found to be much more beneficial because the student would often be more truthful and calm down more quickly when they knew I was there to help work through the issue.
Explain how “everyone gets a trophy” can be viewed differently
I think every kid gets a trophy can be a beautiful thing. The trophy doesn't have to be for the same thing, however should be something specific to each child. We do this at our grade level and it is so exciting for the kids, we take time as a team to think about all of our kids, and what they are truly good at. To see the smiles on their faces, and their classmates faces when they are recognized really means the world to them, and us! Every child deserves to be "seen" and appreciated.